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On a Journey I'm still on...

I'm finally ready to make a truthful confession. I haven't been to church in a year, and I haven't even attempted to find another one. I'm not backslidden, I don't hate God, I don't dislike the church, I have just stopped going. I'm not going to lie to people any more, to tell them we're "in a transition", or that we just didn't "fit" into the last two churches we were in. I honestly can't say at this point when or if we will ever go back.

But why? Church has been an integral part of my life ever since I was small. Why would I just simply walk away?

Because I couldn't answer the one question that haunted me.

Jana, do you know me?

I thought I knew God, and how to live my life in the right way. I thought I knew what pleased him, and more importantly what displeased him. Of course I was "saved by grace" but I thought if I just repeated the Bible often enough, or if I attended church enough, or took care of babies i…
Recent posts

The Silence of Shame - Thoughts on Normalized Sexual Assault

The resounding cry from women in the past few days: that sexual assault happens more frequently than we'd all like to acknowledge. That the reason sexual assaults are under-reported, is because women are afraid that they won't be believed and in reading some of the more aggressive, angry comments, they haven't been.


Several years ago, I participated in a study for women who had just had a baby. As a part of the process, I was interviewed extensively. At one point the interviewer asked me if I had ever been sexually assaulted. Immediately I answered no. I remember feeling surprised by the question, and relieved that I could answer no. It was the following questions that gave me pause.


"Have you ever been touched in a way that made you uncomfortable?"
"Have you ever received unwanted sexual attention?"
"Have you even been kissed, or touched in a sexual way that was unwanted or inappropriate?"


As the memories came flooding back, I can remember just…

The Trouble with Blessin' Gettin'

Religious Disallusionment and the Rise in Snake Oil Sales

Lately I’ve found myself to be on a faith journey. It’s not one I started deliberately, and from where I stand now, it’s more than a little uncomfortable. I feel like I’ve climbed about halfway up a cliff face, and knowing what I know now, I can’t go back down, but pushing ahead looks like it’s going to be a challenging climb.
I grew up in an Evangelical Christian environment, with roots in the Word Faith movement. Because that was my whole world, it came as quite a shock to my parents, when I told them I wanted to date a CRC boy. Yes, we were both Christians, and yes, we both loved Jesus, but because of his lack of Evangelicalism I was somewhat concerned for his mortal soul. He married me anyway. These feelings lingered for several years into our marriage, and though my dear husband loved me, he never fully accepted my blatant evangelicalism. As wives do, I prayed fervently to God, asking him to please fix my husband, and I think that was when I had the first turning point that put my…

The Power of Disagreement

People disagree about things. Actually, that's an understatement, people disagree about everything, mundane - is the dress blue or white? major - politics, religion and everything in between, but since when does coming across someone who disagrees with me, rather doesn't agree with me exclusively mean that they must then hate me? Hater.

Whoa - wait a minute, isn't that a leap? Just when exactly did it become OK to hate someone who disagreed with me? But, I've been feeling it lately. Politics for example, if you voted Conservative, you need your head examined, if you voted Liberal you want the country to implode, and if you voted NDP well, that was just a poll throwaway, vote waster. Are we really justified in believing the worst about one another, and speaking horrible things to one another, because we come from differing points of view?

Speaking as a Christian - lately we've been no better than anyone else, and in fact, we've been more judgmental, hypocritica…

Outside the Lines

I have never met anyone who is Transgender before. So, maybe I don't get out much, or maybe it's just that I...well, mostly don't get out much, but, a couple weekends ago our neighborhood church (not the one we attend, but one who has, notably, on more than one occasion taken the time to show that they care for our community) was having a multi-family garage sale.  They invited members of the community to purchase tables, and brought several people into the church who perhaps wouldn't have thought to attend otherwise.  Being that the garage sale was just at the end of our street, and really - who can turn down a good garage sale, we brought the kids for a  look around. 

One table caught their attention immediately. It was laden with light-sabres, star wars action figures and various other interesting toys and games. Now, having our "parenting" hats on, we looked at this as an opportunity to teach the kids a bit of fiscal responsibility. They had each been give…

Working Girls

If you live in a home with small children, you've probably had "the talk". You know the one, the one where you and your husband lean against the kitchen counters, arms crossed, each thinking as the dishwasher hums and swishes away in the background.  From your vantage point you take in the landscape which typically includes, a sticky but unidentifiable substance dripping from the table, a basket with laundry - clean, dirty, folded, unfolded, scattered toys, overturned shoes, various colors of playdoh and my favorite, those tiny landmines also known as dry cheerios hiding on the floor, just waiting for an unsuspecting someone to crush them into a powder.

"We could use the money."
"Daycare costs a fortune."
"I would love to have a conversation during the day that doesn't center around body functions."
"Who do we really want to raise OUR kids?" 
"The job can't just be any job, it would have to be worth it." 
"Can some…