Tuesday, 16 April 2013

The Curse of Beautiful

Today I had the opportunity to sit and talk with one of my students.  Earlier in the year she wrote an essay for my class called Beauty and the Beast, in which she explained in a very heartfelt manner her own perspective about beauty. Her point of view was very focused on finding what is beautiful in people, instead of always looking at someone's appearance.  She is a beautiful girl, and sometimes I've wondered, and judged her, about the depth of her own character.  She showed me a message she received from a male friend that she had sent her essay to. She put a lot of time and effort into her essay and he had returned it with a "kind" but scathing review, particularly of her opinion.  

Though his words reeked of that rhetorical pseudo-maturity so often found clinging to the shirt tails of misguided early twenties university goers - I could tell she felt like she didn't have enough of a point to respond to his argument.  As I read the message over, with her sitting with me, we talked about his words and I started to point out some of the problems with his logic, and I could see her turning these thoughts over in her mind.  His general point was that all women can be beautiful, if they choose to treat their bodies properly, are thin, then they can be adored by their peers.  His point was that beautiful was defined at a thin woman, no matter what she was like.  He even went so far as to say that if his own daughter was overweight, he wouldn't force her to diet, but he wouldn't go out of his way to tell her she was beautiful, either.  The first thing that ran through my mind, was that this young person was going to get the shock of his life when he became a father, but also it saddened me to see the hurt in the eyes and heart of my student.  When we were finished talking extensively about his words, she looked at me and said, "He actually kind of proved my point. I used to think that he was good-looking, but now seeing what he thinks, he's not so hot anymore." I was proud of her.

I can't wait for her to find out that not all men are like this boy, who says he's her friend.  I can't wait for her to learn that whatever imperfection that she may see, the rest of the world sees as uniqueness that make her shine.   It is for all of us to remember...beautiful is an opinion, and yours is the only one that counts.

Dove Beauty Sketch 

I watched this link earlier, and very much appreciated what it had to say.  

Saturday, 6 April 2013

To Have and to Hold

Celebrating 65 Years of Marriage
John and Louise, April 1948
We Love You

 There are times I feel like I live in a small, protective bubble.  I'm not a marriage expert, I've only been at it for eight years. I don't have a perfect marriage - I couldn't even really say what that looks like. We fight, we laugh, we talk, we agree to disagree, and I could definitely live without the burping. My husband is my best friend, my soft place to fall, my security. I love him more than Elizabeth Bennet loved Mr. Darcy, when I see him gather our children in his arms, and love them and hug them and breathe them in. If the words I love you were currency, we'd be millionaires, and we are - in more ways than one.  

But, recently I have connected with people who's views of marriage are drastically different from my own.  It is their cage, their battlefield, their nightmare.  Marriage is supposed to be a sacred, safe, loving place, and these problems between husbands and wives seem to be suddenly common.  Cheating - the sanitized word for adultery, sexual addiction and deviation from marriage, rejecting children and destroying family, pulling away from the sanctity, the safe place in marriage for purely selfish reasons - no thought to the future.  My heart breaks, and I don't know the answers, because I feel like I won the lottery, and how can someone who's indescribably rich reach out to someone who is poor?  I only know that my heart breaks, and that I need to give.

For those of us who are so blessed, protect your marriage, keep the spark - the work is well worth the reward.  For those of you who find yourselves in desperate situations, reach out. There are people who love you, who are ready to support you. For those of you starting out, a poem I read by Lena Lathrop when I was young really spoke to me, and stays with me even today.

A Woman's Question
By Mary "Lena" Lathrop


Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the hand above--
A woman's heart, and a woman's life
And a woman's wonderful love?

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy,
Demanding what others have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy?

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Man-like you have questioned me;
Now stand at the bar of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart to be true as God's stars,
And as pure as heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef;
I require a far better thing.
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts;
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called home,
And a man that the maker, God,
Shall look upon as he did the first
And say, "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose will fade
From my soft, young cheek one day,
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mid the bloom of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and deep,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give all this, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot do this -- a laundress and cook
You can hire, with little to pay,
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.

For my dear Grandparents.  
Thank you.  






The Search for Light, on the Darkest Day of My Life

It's never easy to tell someone that they have cancer. That's what the thoracic surgeon said. I wanted to assure him in that ...