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Showing posts from May, 2013

Fighting Rest

Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Rest? How can I rest? How can this be what God is asking me to do? I'm weary, that's for sure.  I've been trying to organize my life, my future, which feels a lot like its dependent on how I perform for interviews and such things.  It means waiting, not knowing, while fearful visions of failure or being forgotten, or not quite being good enough play themselves out in my dreams with alarming frequency.  And God wants me to rest?

But, that means that I have to hand it all over to Him, because as I've learned over the last few nights, holding on to the stress and pressure of it all, makes for an uncomfortable mattress.  The students in my classes look at me with alarm and ask, "Are you tired?" Tired? I'm exhausted.  But, if I want to sleep, that means giving it all up.  Handing it all over, and not being in control.  I don't like not being in control. Because, if I&#…

Just Get Over It

I haven't been able to write anything I've been happy with for the last two weeks.  I used to think that when hard times happened in people's lives, people wasted time over exaggerating their circumstances. I always wondered was there really an excuse not to function?


And yet, here I am trying to make decisions about a future that is out of my hands, impress a boss at work when I feel overwhelmed with what's already on my plate - in a place I literally, barely understand. I am pretending that I know how to be a Christian wife and mother with a positive and enriching home environment, when I feel like if I have to have one more sudden death match over cooked asparagus, or the wii, or bedtime, I'll just have to let the cats raise the kids, 'cause they'll do a better job. Not to mention, that sometimes I really don't think I understand my husband at all and we're supposed to be best friends.  Hand in hand is the pressure of trying to please everyone a…

Scaling the Wall

Unfortunately, lately I've been stuck where no writer enjoys - standing beside a great chasm and looking across, I can catch the smallest glimpse of a fertile land with ideas frolicking beside a bubbly spring, and characters sprawling languidly on the grass, waiting to tell me their stories.  I can see them, I can almost hear them - I just can't reach them.  I'll find a way to get to them, but for now, I'm sitting and looking at the gaping divide and I know I have to fly over, I just don't have anything with which to make wings...

Though you hear about it most often from writers, I am sure that others must experience the same phenomenon. Like...a Baker's Block, or Musician Misalignment or Cook's Catastrophes, I don't know, but this particular evil can't only haunt writers...it wouldn't be fair. So, what causes it? Life? Maybe...my last writers block lasted nearly two years - the business of a baby, and being a new Mom didn't lend itself well …